I'm Glad I'm A Woman

I'm glad I'm a woman,
yes I am,
yes I am
I don't live off of Budweiser,
beer nuts
and Spam
I don't brag to my buddies about my erections
I won't drive to Hell before I ask for directions
I don't get wasted at parties and act like a clown
and I know how to put the damned toilet seat down!
I won't grab your hooters,
I won't pinch your butt
my belt buckle's not hidden beneath my beer gut
and I don't go around "readjusting" my crotch
or yell like Tarzan when my head-board gets a notch
I don't belch in public,
I don't scratch my behind
I'm a woman you see -- I'm just not that kind!
I'm glad I'm a woman,
I'm so glad I could sing
I don't have body hair like shag carpeting
It doesn't grow from my ears
or cover my back
When I lean over you can't see 3 inches of crack
And what's on my head doesn't leave with my comb
I'll never buy a toupee to cover my dome
Or have a few hairs pulled from over the side
I'm a woman, you know -- I've got far too much pride!
I don't live to play golf and shoot basketball
I don't swagger and spit like a Neanderthal
I won't tell you my wife just does not understand
stick my hand in my pocket to hide that gold band
or tell you a story to make you sigh and weep
then screw you,
roll over
and fall sound asleep!
Yes, I'm glad I'm a woman,
a woman you see
you can forget all about that old penis envy
I don't long for male bonding,
I don't cruise for chicks
join the Hair Club For Men,
or think with my ...
I'm a woman by chance
and I'm thankful it's true
I'm so glad I'm a woman
and not a man like you!

If you want to hear a hilarious song, click here! Be prepared to laugh!

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